Couples therapy tends to be very effective.

Research has found it improves the relationship and quells marital distress for at least 70% of couples who attend sessions, with some studies showing those positive results remain steady for several years and can even reduce the odds of divorce.

And yet, according to research by clinical psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., the average couple waits until a problem has gone on for six years before seeing a therapist.

That’s a long time to let a problem fester between you and a partner.

Ask the average person who’s struggling with relationship issues if they’d consider couples therapy, and you’ll quickly understand why the delays happen: Many people simply shrug off the idea as unnecessary or too extreme for their situation. Or, they see it as a last-ditch intervention for, say, married couples on the verge of divorce.

People often only turn to couples therapy for the serious issues. They seek it out when things have gone from bad to catastrophic, or only after trying to bypass a significant roadblock for years unsuccessfully, or when the relationship is already rapidly deteriorating. In one 2017 survey of 1,000 engaged, married, and divorced people, nearly half of them said they weren’t interested in marriage counseling whatsoever. Of these uninterested folks, 46% said it’s because they believe they can fix their problems themselves. In other words, things weren’t “serious” enough. 

Couples therapy offers space to work through specific big problems, yes. But it’s also a place for two people to just really get vulnerable with each other, connect on a deep, emotional level, and strengthen their attachment to one another. In theory, these holistic, long-term benefits can apply to couples at any stage of a relationship—and perhaps better sooner than later.

So what if more people took a different approach to couples therapy? Instead of going in the direst of circumstances, what if people sought relationship support and education early on in their relationship—before challenges arise?

THE EXPERIMENT

To get to the heart of these questions, we decided to push the theory to the extremes and try sending couples to see a couples therapist at the earliest possible stage of their relationship: right after a first date. If people who have only just met each other can benefit from couples therapy, then it’s reasonable to assume that truly any couple can benefit from it, too.

Maybe the dates would be more likely to enter into long-term relationships. Maybe the experience would help set the foundation for a healthier, more successful relationship going forward.

Maybe it would make them fall in love.

Or, maybe it wouldn’t do much of anything really. Maybe they’d go on to date the regular way all people do at the start of a relationship. Or maybe the experience would make them realize ASAP that they aren’t a good fit, and they would call it quits immediately.

With no guarantees, we put out a call for singles all over social media, asking if we could send them and a date to an all-day group session led by a licensed marriage therapist. Dozens of people responded with interest. In the end, four pairs joined us for the experiment. The session took place in March 2021, and we interviewed each person individually before and after the session to see how they felt about their date, their dating life in general, and couples therapy. Then, we followed up with the pairs one month later to see how they were doing—and if they were still together.