In the end, the four pairs of dates walked away from the experiment with wildly different results: Two of the pairs are still talking to each other and trying to suss things out one month later, one pair halted communication before they even made it to the couples program, and one pair entered into a long-term relationship that’s still going strong.

While couples therapy doesn’t seem to universally catapult everyone into a lovey-dovey happily ever after, it does present a unique opportunity for people in early-stage relationships to discuss things they otherwise wouldn’t have talked about so early and so candidly: who they really are beneath the surface level, what their intentions are with each other, and their dating patterns and needs. Most of the participants realized that couples therapy wasn’t an intimidating frontier to conquer, but simply a safe space to relate to each other effectively. All four of the pairings walked out feeling like they got a uniquely clear, in-depth understanding of who their date really was much faster than they ordinarily would have.

“It helps bring up things we likely would not have brought up so soon, like expectations, and how best to communicate with each other, both of which are great things to keep in mind going forward with a relationship,” Anlee said.

Going to couples therapy earlier in a relationship seems to take some of the intensity out of the experience and make it easier to share your full self. “The expectations and pressure felt pretty low, so I just felt like, let me put it all out there,” Gabriel said. The worst thing that could happen was never seeing Bianca again, and since they were still strangers, that was okay. Nancy and Anlee also found it easier to open up and be vulnerable with a virtual stranger than it may have been with a committed partner.

At the same time, seeing a couples therapist seems to accelerate a level of commitment in a relationship. For some couples—like Danielle and Scott—that was exactly what they needed. “We were on a good trajectory already, but it did sort of help us along a little bit farther,” Danielle said. Gabriel also described feeling more committed to seeing things through with his date Bianca than he otherwise would have had they not participated in the session.

For other people, that accelerated commitment can actually add uncomfortable pressure—or even bring to light hesitations about moving forward. Anlee still had pre-existing anxieties about commitment itself that weren’t magically alleviated with one couples therapy session. “Personally, I’m not very ready for it to become anything more,” Anlee said. “I can't help but feel as if it fast-tracked the relationship too soon. Prior to the Long Second Date, I might have never messaged her again, and neither of us would probably think too hard on it, but now it feels too much like a relationship to end things without discussion.”

That same feeling was exactly what prompted Jeff to back out of attending the session with Jennifer. The funny thing was, Jennifer didn’t see the session as a next step—she saw it as a way to just learn about themselves as individuals, together. Despite not going on the Long Second Date, she was still able to gain a more expansive understanding about what she was looking for in a partner. “I need a partner who will tell me realistically like… hey, your expectations are unrealistic, but I’m going to show up for you and love you in different ways and take care of you in different ways that I know how. That was a good learning for me,” she reflected afterwards.

So it’s up for debate whether getting serious more quickly is a good thing: While many of the pairs in our experiment struggled with the commitment, people seeking committed relationships might benefit from being able to know right away where they and their date stand—a conversation that couples therapy effectively facilitates. 

There were a few challenges with the setup of our experiment: Unlike traditional couples therapy that often involves weekly sessions for several weeks or months, our pairs went to a single group session designed to be a one-day affair. Many of the participants also wanted to try couples therapy for the experience of doing something new to get away from the superficial monotony of dating, in addition to potentially connecting deeply with someone they were curious about. But the investment didn’t go beyond that initial curiosity. The pairs cultivated a shared connection facilitated via couples therapy, but ultimately the act of staying together was their choice, independent from the choice of going to couples therapy.

The uncertain and nebulous nuances of dating still persevered in nearly all of the pairs’ dynamics. Timing, chemistry, and a shared investment in each other matters in dating and those qualities continue to transcend especially when the relationship is transitioning to something more serious. Even though all of the participants had positive feelings about couples therapy, the session didn’t automatically usher them to a more profound commitment or a deeper attraction if it wasn’t already there. For our couples, having big conversations and learning about each other’s vulnerabilities wasn’t a turn-off but as Bianca noted in her one-month check-in, there’s more to a relationship besides aligned values. She’s still getting to know Gabriel and pragmatically seeing what’s next while she’s figuring out what’s next for her life.

Danielle and Scott were the only couple on the same page about what they wanted next, which is perhaps why their relationship received the most benefits out of everyone else in regards to taking the next step. They were already strongly attracted to each other and interested in seeing the connection through, and couples therapy served as another way to steep the potential relationship with more depth and understanding.

That said, nearly all the participants expressed interest in trying couples therapy again…

Danielle and Scott are entertaining the idea of going together once a year, while Anlee is thinking of going with her spouse. Bianca and Jennifer both expressed interest in attending couples therapy early on in their next relationship once there was a level of commitment already established.

Just going to couples therapy probably won’t make two strangers fall in love, but it does offer an intentional step forward and a deep comfort knowing someone is willing to listen to your innermost thoughts and feelings with the understanding that it’ll be embraced, not rejected. Couples therapy is neither a magical shortcut for love or a dire intervention to save a relationship. It seems the act of going to couples therapy is really an acknowledgment that the relationship is worth talking about and putting effort towards, to the point of wanting to be seen in all of one’s states, regardless of how terrifying it can feel to have someone bear witness to those fears, worries, and insecurities.